Self-talk

It’s a Girl

I was on my way to my 12-week prenatal ultrasound wondering if I was having a baby girl or a baby boy. That was my second pregnancy – the first had been a boy, and I was wishing my second child would be a girl. Right off the bat, the nurse said it was a girl. I didn’t quite believe it and asked how certain she was. Then she said with 95% certainty, it was a girl. Tears then began to fall down from the corners of my eyes while still lying on the gurney.

I Love Being a Woman

I’ve always loved being a woman. Over the years I have heard many friends say that they would like to be men. Not me. Yes, I think our life is more difficult indeed but, breaking new ground and facing challenges have always fueled my personality. I love the feminine universe’s energy and power. The capability of bringing forth another being alone makes all females very special to me.

A Daughter

The desire to have a daughter was born from this feeling I have for the feminine. Having the opportunity to witness the blooming of a woman has always fascinated me. Women are energetically special beings, we have a unique sixth sense, and a differentiated way of loving. My daughter early on showed that she had all these characteristics. I knew right away that she would be a strong and independent woman.

Challenges

Even in the twenty-first century, the challenges of being a woman continue to exist. It seems like all the freedom and equality we’ve fought for now overwhelm us. If we decide to be a stay-at-home mom, we are judged for not having a career. Those who choose the career are considered careless mothers. They judge us for being too loud, for having strong opinions, for speaking our minds, or on the contrary, for being submissive. Most of the time, other women are the ones judging us. Our mothers, grandmothers, mothers-in-law, sisters, friends, and neighbors usually reproach us.

Ely Ribeiro, founder, and CEO of DonaDelas – Rede Feminina de Negócios, speaks wisely in DonaDelas’ Blog about women entrepreneurs’ challenges of overcoming vanity and envy. What we need is quite the opposite, it is mutual support and collaboration. There’s enough room for everyone to succeed. As Cathy Heller always says, sisterhood is what is needed!

Men’s World

Sometimes I get lost thinking about how we can change the reality of this essentially male society. I wish my daughter a different experience. One way to start is with our own behavior. I raised my children without prejudice. Both my son and daughter played with cars and dolls. They have the same chores around the house to this day. Judgment has never been part of our household’s conversations. I’m always vigilant to not label a certain behavior as being male or female-appropriate. I grew up hearing that girls can’t sit, eat, or behave like that. And that men don’t like women who do or wear this or that.

Responsibility

Mothers are the ones responsible for this much-needed change. Children learn early on to judge according to their parents’ judgment. I have always been very careful with my words when addressing my children, especially my daughter. In order to prevent the generational model from being passed on we must break the pattern. That means we need to change our speech and not perpetuate our parent’s mistakes. Yes, we mothers have a huge responsibility but also a lot of power. We have the power to change the world if we can teach our children what is right. 

My Part

It seems overwhelming, I know! But if everyone does their part it becomes easier. Each mother only needs to pass down the message to her kids. Small actions can have a big impact. Sexism will be eradicated when there are no more sexist women in the world. When mothers start demanding and expecting the same from sons and daughters gender equality will be genuine.

Self-talk

The message below it’s for my younger self as much as it is for my daughter. I’ve never paid attention to my self-talk until I was 50. Now I know I’m worthy and don’t need to prove my value all the time. Marisa Peer, the renowned behavior-change therapist, says that before changing any behavior we must change the thought that comes in front of it. As all change happens from the inside out let’s begin changing our self-talk and then deploy the message to our children, especially daughters.

Daughter

In honor of your 17th birthday, I want you to take the message below deep into your heart so that it becomes your self-talk.

1. You are deeply loved.
2. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out.
3. You have a big heart. You are kind. 
4. You are very important to me; you are my sunshine.
5. I see you and understand your struggles. I got you.
6. I’ll always be there for you.
7. I am so proud of you! You’re strong, smart, independent, and capable.
8. I love being your mom and watching your growth. I love doing things with you and for you.
9. You will succeed in anything you put your heart into.
10. You are so worthy, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
11. Your voice matters. Words are powerful, use them wisely.
12. Do your best always. What matters is progress, not perfection. Do 1% better today than you did yesterday.
13. Always take care of yourself first. Take care of your body, mind, and spirit.
14. Surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and valued.
15. Listen to your heart and intuition. Never do anything against your will or values. 
16. Keep a positive mindset, especially through hardship. 
17. Be humble and apologize. If I failed you forgive me, I was trying to do my best.

Remember: Good is what makes you feel well!

Anna.

Read about my journey as a mother in Motherhood.